"What happens when women park cars"

"Rhino Of The CSE dept"

I dont know why,but i've always felt this urge to write abt most of my teachers and humiliate them.At least the ones i dont like.So here i am with another post abt another teacher.

Most ppl consider the cse dept to be the best in most of the colleges,and i must agree.But sometimes u get some teacher who really screws up this image.My present class teacher's name is Sudha.Basically she's a pretty decent teacher but sometimes she can get really stupid and bugging.i often wonder if she's a college teacher or skool teacher cause i keep hearing the dialogues i used to hear in skool. for eg.


Sudha:"niranjan where is ur record??"
Nir:"maam not yet completed.... will complete it soon and submit."
S:" this is not acceptable. u continue to do this i wont let u write the "board exams.,"
Nir:"no maam i'll submit it today"
S:"if u dont submit it today i wont let u write board prscticlas.And i want to meet ur parents tomorrow."
Nir:"(shocked)why maam??what did i do??"
S:""u are not behaving properly in class.u r not submiting ur record on time"
S:"i also want to meet Nithin's,sandeep's and praveen's parents tomorrow."
Nithin:"(whatta mudiyadu)maam why maam what did i do???"
Praveen goes on to give some bullshit excuse like his mom is sick and dad is not in town and other stuff like that.
Me:"sure maam, no prob"(guys there is no point in arguing with maam,just say ok and never tell ur parents.. she'll forget pretty soon)

most ppl hate her only cause she always wants to meet our parents.The other thing is that her knowledge abt the c programs is ok but other things suck big time.
Lat time she told us that all the variables in a c program get stored on the computer hard disk...
Nirmal(MD):"maam if the variables get stored on the hard disk(which does not happen) then all the computers hard disks will get filled up rite?? and u wont be able to use the hard disk again"

S:"(after an unusally long pause)illapa.. what happens is one sir comes after college everyday and formats all the computers."
Nirmal:"(controls hos laughter with great difficulty)oh ok maam"

The other day a senior wanted to use a floppy in one of the comps,the comp detected the floopy but he couldn't copy any files...(we were there that time)
Senior:"maam i'm not able to copy any file from the floppy. why maam??"
Maam comes and tries something but fails to produce any result.
S:"They have disabled all the floppy drives because viruses are entering through the floppy drives."

I couldn't beleive it.. i mean any comp sci student will know that if u disable the floppy drive it wont even read the floppy.
Anyway she's just our lab teacher.. thank god she doesn't take data structures for us.i hope that she doesn't take ANY class for us.Its just that i have absolutely no faith in her...

Of course on the other hand she's quite good also,cause the a section cse students went for an "IV" and now she has forced the comp sci HOD to allow us to go on an "IV"(which means that we can go anywhere we want,even mayajal):)

thast abt it..coming up next.

"what do u get if u diffrentiate sin 45??? Chaos in the maths class"

"The Grea"test" ever!!!"

Just yesterday i posted a message abt my good for nothing e.mech sir,that must have changed my luck.How??/ let me tell u the sory.....
i had a e.mech exam today and as usual i dint study for it. usually i just browse through the text book to see whats there and stuff like that.I searched for my fat (hardly used) e.mech book.it was only then that i realised i had given to omer for his anna univ sem exams.so i decided to do what i usually do best,just forget abt the test and worry abt it the next day while writing the test.

friday morning 8.30 am
managed to catch the bus on time for once. reached college by 8.30 and started making plans abt where to sit.the obivious choice would be next to santhosh t.k the guy who would copy like crazy.but the problem was that there was another guy fighting for that place.... santhosh jeyam.

Sandeep:"hey i'm sitting next to tk this time."
chitapu(jeyam):"whatta poda mama.. i have to pass this time or else my army chitapa will kill me".

sandeep:"fuck off u passed the last 2 test so my turn now.. anyway dont worry i'll pass the paper."

All the places were set.and we were commenting abt how tough it will be to copy.just are we were talking the "cool dude" of cse dept walks in.His name is venkateshan,this guy is so cool that u get a 75% attendance even if u dont attend college.If he comes to invigilate some class during a test everyone in that class will pass the test.so u could imagine how happy i was.

We started the test and we copied all the 4 marks from the text book with caution. cause we dint know how this guy was. i mean ppl tell u somethings but they often turn out to be wrong.yet we copied. Those who had the books used it to copy the answers. the others who dint have the book(like me) were grabbing the answer papers from others.

Well got all the 4 marks right so sure 20 marks.Now came the most difficult part of the paper the 15 marks. shit!1 this e.mech b****** gave us questions that we haven't worked out in class. so we had no other option than to try and copy from the girls.even they dint know the question,(so u can imagine how tough it was).

The "cool dude' walked towards us(the usual last row).He stood over there and asked us..
Cool dude(cd):"yenna answer theriyada???"
last row:"no sir!!!"
cd:"Book le irruka??"
sanjay:"sir we dont even maintain a book"
Me:"sir can we see if its in the book??"
cd:"seri"
WHAT!!! i couldn't beleive my ears.so the last few rows took our books kept it on the table right in front of sir and searched for those dumb sums.We knew there was nothing in the book but still we wanted to check his reaction..
He just left us there with the books and went near the first row.it was then that i saw the female class rep ,swathi supposed to be the "brain" of the class.She sits rite in front. I dont know why i did it but i just got up and went to sir who was standing close to her and asked him...

Me:"sir i need one answer, can i copy it from her(swathi)"
cd;"yeah sure"
Me:(great!!)0hey Swathi quick give me one 15 mark sum.. i'll copy and give it back in sometime"
Swathi:"hey noooo i dont know if its correct and i cant give it"
Me:"(shut up bitch)hey dont be soo stingy"(i just grabbed the paper and came back to the last row..)

Man we started copying like crazy.papers flying everywhere. we had a tough time keeping track of our answer papers.

The test ended and man we actually discussed the paper(i mean we asked others whether the answers we copied from them were rite).All i can say now is that,"when i started from home i knew i would fail for sure.. i mean i dint have a text book.. no notes to refer no calculator or should i call it computer to use(wouldn't have made a diff even if i had one) and yet now i'm expecting some 35/50 in this test.Great dont u think.i just wish that this guy comes for all my classes from now on.. i'll really ace the sem exams in that case:-)

"The moment of inertia is = to your laziness(???)"

This would be the kind of jokes my "e.mech" prof. would crack. "who is he??". dont ask me.all i know is that his name is govindan.r or something like that,he loves to call ppl by their sir names esp. the boys,he's a fat balding kind of guy.here i've described more abt him.... hope u like it.


Monday 8.55 am:
we reach college by abt 8.30 and the worst part is that the first day of the week starts with (shit) e.mech. classes start at 9. most profs. come to class only at 9.05 or something like that,but this good for nothing loser who loves e.mech comes to class by 8.55.shit can u beleive it??? i mean this is the first time some teacher has come to class on time.No small talk.the first thing he says is "take ur books and calc.",as good college students we take out our "all purpose book".yup thats rite 5 subjects in a single book.sitting ijn the last 2 benches we have real fun sometimes and our usual dialogues are...

Nirmal:"yes sir!!book taken ready to do more e.mech.(he's a real ass)"

Nithin:"whatta this guy has no other job... comes to class before most of the students."
Niranjan:"mama whatta.. i dint have breakfast.. santhosh wats ur lunch today???"

Santhosh jayam:"usual.. sambar rice.. mama apprama we'll eat..have to conc. for this sotta's class..whatta blade boy"
santhosh t.k:(the ass who does everything on time)"mama today i'm going to buya 7710 cell phone(the phone model changes every day)"
Sandy(me):" dai Pj king studied anything during the weekend??"

Vijay(PJ king):"whaaaat are u crazzzyy???.. no way man"

Then suddenly this sotta looks at the last 2 benches and sometimes starts asking questions.as usual the only thing we do is mummer something which could be the answer(yeah rite!!high hopes man.We never get a single question rite).and off he goes with his usual dialogues..."you must study man.No point.how will u pass.???""u do on ur own man... where is ur book?? come to the front with ur calc."


The worst part of this prof is that he tries to crack dumb jokes.. this is what happened to me.

Prof:"Rao(this is what he calls me in class). are u getting the answer?"
Me:"(as usual)Yes sir!!"
Prof:"where is ur computer man???"
Me:"(wtf.. why this question?? )sir! at home sir..(still confused)"
prof:"no Rao u should bring it to college everyday"
Me:"sir! to heavy to bring"
prof:"no man you shouldn't say that.. see venugopal(Nirmal) he brings his computer everyday"
Me:"eh! sir! thats a calculator.."
Prof:"its like a computer rao.. u can do calculations on it"
me: "yeah whatever"

The other thing is that this guy never leaves the class on time.. each classs is for abt 50 mins.. this jerk ends up taking abt 60 mins of class(Shit 1 hour wasted for e mech).

And before he goes he'll always ask whether we have any free periods.yeah rite!!as though we'll tell u.i just dont understand why he comes everyday to my class and talks abt shit like X-axis y-axis. center of gravity. and other things.

I just dont understand how most ppl tolerate him.I mean just imagine if that guy lives near ur house and is in the same coll bus as urs.that would be it!!(priya dont worry.. u have my sympathy).

Anyways time for me to sign off... just hope i'm alive and pass my e.mech paper(10% chance).i just want to finish this dumb subject and go on to something more intresting....


more articles abt my teachers to come.. keep checking the blog for the stories.

V FOR VENDETTA

I recently watched "v for vendetta". I liked the way he introduced himeself.. so i watched that part over and over again till i got most of the wordings rite..



"Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V"


The spanish subtitles helped. and a guy also helped me to get this entire thing correctly. anyways enjoy!!

The Banglore Disaster Part II

Well the "adventure" continues......

After i realised that i had forgotten to pack my bags i had only one option...
to stuff whatever i could find into a travel bag.things that came into contact with my hand went into the bag.can u beleive it? i actually took a pillow cover with me.

Anyways i managed to pack everything on time.My dad dint even realise that i had forgotten to pack my bags. we had a quick breafast of some gooey looking stuff(my mom wasnt at home and my dad actually cooked for us.yuck!!!) before going to the railway station.
The worse thing abt the railway station of chennai(other than the dirt and smell)are the coolies.they actually try to snatch ur bag.This was the worst cause we had JUST 2 small bags.. one for me(ok.mine wasn't exactly small) and my bro's small travel bag.

just as we reached the train we found out that there was this group of hot females from the north.unfortunaately they were sitting in the next compartment.i had to make frequent trips to the bathroom near their compartment.(i bet they thought i had some problem!!).

most of the journey was uneventful.as the train approched ambur i saw a guy who looked a lot like my bus senior,and to horror this guy was actually my senior..and worse,he got into the same compartment as mine.i immedietly went into a "self induced sleep" but it was of no use, that loser actually shouted my name.
senior:"SANDEEP!!!!WTF are u doing here??"

me:(oh nothing!i was just checking if laloo was here)"eh! i'm going to b'lore for my cousins marriage"

he kept crappin abt why he was going to b'lore but i dint bother to listen cause one of those hot females had come to wash her face.
And the worst part was my mom called my cell 8 TIMES! from b'lore to ask where the train was.("it was only after i reached b;lore i found out that i lose 3 rs per incoming call when on roaming).

finally reached b'lore cantonmemt.my cousin sis had come. but she dint bring the car cause of these protest("why the heck should the protest if someone dies a natural death").we had to take a taxi and that guy actually charged us abt 400rs to travel some 5 Km.The roads were empty and this taxi driver kept on droning in kannada abt how famous raj kumar is.all i can say in kannada is "kannada gothila" which means i dont know kannada.the guy laughed and asked if we knew hindi."yes we do"(SHIT!! big mistake).He kept talking abt how passionate he was abt the film industry and crap like that.

i couldn't tolerate it anymore.I was on the verge of blasting that guy, lucky for him that we reached our house.we threw the money on his face(Just kidding. dint do anythin of that sort).
I guess thats abt it.. i dont want to write abt abything that happened in the function cause of certain reasons which cannot be told.

Angry VS Calm

If you watch the above images from your seat in front of the computer,
Mr.Angry is on the left, and Mrs.Calm is on the right.
Get up from your seat, and move back about eight feet!! They switch places!!

P.S.I do not know how they generated this fascinating image, and I believe no-one else is able to generate anything similar in Photoshop. I know it has something to do with "low-pass" and "high-pass" filters, but the details??

The Tag Cycle!!!

I really dont get this tag game.. but still ppl say u should follow it..
anyway here it is.

THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS
Well the woman of my dreams and real life should have these qualities.


1.The girl of my dreams should not be behind my money(not that i'm loaded..but still).she should like u for who u are.

2.One thing i noticed abt most girls is that the beautiful ones are usually the dumbest(seriously).so the girl of of my dreams need not be beautiful(but should be cute).she should be a great conversationalist.


3.I use a heck a lot of "unparlimentary words"(even in front of my parents).but the girl of my dreams shoul not. i mean its ok to use it once in a while but using shitty things like "macha" and "machi" is a strict no-no.

4.she should cook well.most important for me cause i usually eat most of the time.

5.she SHOULD not be stingy.

6.she should not be a back stabber,man!! i have seen so many girls do that to other boys.I hate it when they do that.

7.She should accept the fact that i'm a lazy guy so she should help me with some important college stuff.

8.She SHOULD not treat me as though i'm some piece of shit.. i mean she should respect ur wishes and stuff like that.

Relatives Bah!!!!

I bet all of u would have faced this at least once in ur lifetime...
well i definetly have. whenever we go for a family function we meet ppl whom we have never met but yet they seem to know us so well. and its usual the same crazy question they ask u and the same kind of crazy response that they give.some of their common dialogues include..

dialogue 1:
Relative:"my god its been years since we last saw u.my, u have grown so much."
Me:(of course i have u chowder head!!. but all we can say is)"yeah.he he!!(u know the usual colgate smile).


dialogue 2:
R:"which college are u studying in now??"( i bet all of u would have faced this question)
Me:"KCG in chennai"
R:"oh...... wat is that??"
Me:(thats the brand of my new fungus free underwear!!! sheesh relatives.)"eh.. thats a college in chennai... it was know as nits before."
R:"oh ok... where is it???"
Me:(wtf are u a retard???)"eh thats a college in chennai"



But somethin i loath abt relatives(especially old grannies)is that they try to explain our family tree so much that u get confused abt who is who.

this is how they would explain ur relation to some second cousin of yours...
"he's ur uncle's second son's brother's(wouldn't that make him my uncle's first son??) wife's nephew.



i think its time to wrap up this topic.... if u feel u felt the same thing just tell me abt it in the comments section.

till then adios amigos and amigas

My Friend VB-Gay!!!

"well this is not my article.this is about a guy who studied with me in Vm. Mr.Varun.B.Krishnan.... also know as vbk or vb-gay." the following is an incident that actually happened to him."
Sorry vbk i felt this article was good... thats why i stole it from ur blog..



"the Dada matter incident as told by vb-gay!!!"
I have always considered the toilet to be an inevitable part of my life. Possessing a weak bladder, it has been in my nature to find out where the pissing place is, wherever I go.

In exam centers, people ask me where the exam hall is. I’ll be busy asking people where the toilet is. It’s just… normal for me.

It so happened, that one day, I was pissing in privacy in the toilet. And then, suddenly, there entered a drunk looking chap. He taps me, and then pulls me out. Says, “podhum da nee ponadhu” and he goes in. I was stunned, nonplused, whatever.

I pull him out, tell him I was in the middle of the process, and go back in.

And guess what… This guy comes right in, almost shoves his head into the wall, and does a thorough inspection of my organ.

Now this is the limit. I whacked him on the head, and he recoiled.

Then I finish emptying my bladder, and walk out. He calls me back in, and PHUTTTTTTT! Slapped me so dam hard in the face… (ok I don’t know if that’s the correct sound effect to use for slap, but anyway) and because he was wearing a ring… It tore my ear, and my ear started bleeding…

And that’s it. This chap, had unleashed within me, the “Beast Within”. (Please bear with the vetti scene) I started whacking him as well… And then, in the middle of the fight, I realized I had to tend to my bleeding ear, so I just turned and walked away.

‘Unfortunately’ for me, I had ‘kai vechufied’(put my hand on, or touch) on the ‘thalai’(literal meaning-head, proper meaning- don). This chap was supposed to be a dada character… drinker, smoker, and you know… the big gang leader….that sort of shit. With a minimum of 15 ‘thugs’ to back him at all times, in all places (except the toilet)

So after college, I was confronted by these thugs…

Thugs: DAIIIII!!!!! Enna da… periya mairaa da nee?(Literal meaning- are you a big hair? Proper meaning- uh… censored) Thalai mela kai vekkara…

VBK: Aamaam da… Mairu dhaan. Enna ippo.

Thugs: Dei… enna da… periya paruppa da neeyu… endha area da neeyu? (oh man… how clichéd… this proved beyond doubt that all this was just… ‘build up’)

VBK: Mylapore.

Thugs: Mylapore la endha area da…

VBK: Dei, baadu. Idho paaru. Ennoda address idhu.. No.5, 2nd street, East abiramapuram, Chennai 4. Mudinjaa vandhu adi da.
And I walked off….

I knew this whole dada thing was a hoax from the beginning… it was so… tamil cinema ish. None came to enlighten me with cycle chains, or huge round wooden bars, or knives… it was just pure vetti scene. Next day, ‘thalai’ sent some of his ‘smooth talkers’ to meet me…

Smooth talker: Why da? Why did you have to kai vechufy on thalai??

VBK: oh yeah… you just see how it feels, when you are pissing in privacy, and some guy just barges in, and looks right into your dick? Would you acknowledge the inspection?

Smooth talker: Why da? What’s wrong if he looks into your dick? Its just what all guys have isn’t it?

I gave him the middle finger, turned my back on him, and walked away.

joke:Ned: The Most Popular Man in the World

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Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat.

"Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned. "Now Ned," says Bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world." "Oh yeah," Ned replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!" "That so?" answers Bill, "How about the president of the United States?" "Let's go!" says Ned.

The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Ned! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" The three go play a round of golf and then leave. "That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your not friends with the Queen of England!" "Let's go!" says Ned.

The two fly to Buckingham Palace and, sure enough, are greeted by the Queen. ''Hello Ned my boy! What have you been up to these days?" They enter the palace and have some tea and leave. Frustrated, Bill says, "Double or nothing, you don't know the Pope!" "J.P!" says Ned, "Let's go!"

When they get to the Vatican, Ned instructs Bill to wait outside and Ned will come out on the balcony with his arm around the Pope. After a while, a crowd gathers to hear the Pope speak. And as told by Ned, when the Pope came out, Ned's arm was wrapped around him. Ned looks down from the balcony and see's Bill passed out on the ground. He rushes down and wakes him up.

"Bill! Bill! Wake up!" Bill opens his eyes and says, "Ned. You're the most popular man in the world." "I told you that, Bill," says Ned, "but you didn't faint when I knew the President! You didn't faint when I knew the Queen!"

"Well I was shocked that you knew the Pope," says Bill. "But I just couldn't take it when the guy next to me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Who's that up there with Ned?"

The Banglore Disaster Part I

whew!! summer time in chennai.its getting really hot.i needed to get away from this hot shitty city.thats when my mom told me that we were supposed to go to b'lore for my cousin's marriage, finally!!!
i was excited cause i was going away fromn chennai for 6 whole days..away from this heat..but the best part was i would get to bunk college for about 3 days.
i wasn supposed to go to b'lore on wednwsday but my bro postponed the trip cause of his fuckin final sem project.so had to book tickets for thursday morning.

wednesday evening 5:30
i got down near my coll bus stop and was walkin on the road with my bus stop senior... i told her about the my plans to go to b'lore. we walked till her car(Yes her mom drops us at the bus stop and picks us up after college.she comes till the bus stop in a fuckin AC car even though her house is about 600 mts away from the bus stop.)it was at that point that her mom told me the bad bad bad news.

it seemed some joker called raj kumar(supposed to be as popular as rajni sir)living in b'lore had just died.wat an ass.(* he had to die did he*.) anyways it seemed that there were some strikes and some crappy stuff going on in b'lore and those mad caps were burning vehicles and torching petrol bunks!Yes they were fuckin torching the petrol bunks..why would they do some thin like that is beyond my thinking.

i got back home and my mom called up saying that the trains to b'lore had been stopped for the time being."WTF why the heck should they ground the train cause of jokers death??luckly my bro had postponed the trip to thursday. i was reallly hoping that the protests would stop.my mom told me that she would call up later and tell us whether to come or not.

wednesday 11 pm
well i really forgot about going to b'lore cuase i knew that those crazy kannadigas
would continue some crazy demonstrations.i was playin on the comp. "Tring Tring Tring " it was the phone ringing(i wasn't farting.seriously).who the fuck was it?? calling up so late.anyway i did pick up the phone and it turned out to be my mom.she said that we could come to b'lore but would have to get down at someother station."k cool.. we'll be there". i completely forgot about the call. at about 11.30 my bro asked me about tomorrows trip and i told him that we were going.

well the train was at 7.15 the next day. so i slept off by 12 or somethin.

saturday 5 am
"get up u lazy good for nothin"it was my dad.
when i got up i realised somethin wasn't rite...
"Shit,i forgot to pack my bag"

(to be contd)